Loyalty

The news of our beloved Red Sox trading Kevin Youkilis got me thinking about loyalty. It’s an under-appreciated trait, IMHO, and its value tends to be most noticed in its absence.

Youk was one of my favorite players, both for his on-field production and for his feisty attitude. He spoke his mind and took the heat that ensued from fans and press who prefer their players to shut up and play. He was part of the Red Sox from 2001, and was an integral part of the roster that my family fell in love with in our early days of Sox indoctrination. I’ll never forget this little Sox fan asking me what his beloved Nomar did wrong when he was traded in 2004. This loyal fan didn’t yet understand that baseball is not just his favorite game, but a business as well, and players are commodities that are moved and used to ensure financial success. It’s a hard-learned lesson and one that removed forever a piece of my little guy’s innocence.

Despite Youk’s last name, he’s not actually Greek but this Greek girl considers him an honorary countryman. In the wildly successful book Moneyball, author Michael Lewis christened Youk “Euclis: The Greek God of Walks” and the nickname stuck. I appreciated Youk for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was his record for most consecutive errorless games at first base (until Casey Kotchman came along, anyway). He’s scrappy and intense, and as Boston Globe writer Jackie MacMullan so aptly described, “He does not look like an MVP candidate; more a refrigerator repairman, a butcher, the man selling hammers behind the counter at the True Value hardware store.”

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I’m thinking he could easily pass for a crew member on “The Deadliest Catch” as well. All part of his charm. His Gold-Glove-Award-winning, three-time MLB All Star, and two-time World Series champion self will be greatly missed by this member of Red Sox nation. Upon my first visit to Fenway, a decade ago, I couldn’t understand why fans uniformly booed Youk when he came up to bat. I quickly realized they weren’t booing but chanting “Yoooooooooouk!”  I hope to see many jerseys sporting #20 when we go to Fenway in August. I’ll be wearing mine.

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Is it strange to feel so sad seeing our current favorite player hugging an outgoing Sox mainstay? Is it weird to feel bereft about a player’s departure from a favorite team? Is it naive to want everything to stay the same? Sometimes loyalty brings great sadness; to pledge oneself opens one up to vulnerability. And unfortunately, loyalty does come and go. I learned this firsthand when given a cancer diagnosis.

A crisis, whether health or other, galvanizes some and chases away others. Friends show their true selves, for good and for bad. Some of the people I most expected to be there for me upon diagnosis and in the trying days beyond were the first to depart. The reasons are as varied as the people. I imagine fear is top among the list of reasons people flee when a close friend is given shockingly bad news. While everyone knows in their rational brain that cancer isn’t contagious, the proximity of a dreaded disease causes some people to distance themselves from the afflicted person. Personally, I don’t get that, as I was brought up to believe that a time of crisis is the best time to be by a friend’s side. This lesson was reaffirmed and underscored tenfold as new friends appeared on the scene in my hour of need. Y’all know who you are, and I thank you, again and again. Another reason for the exodus is lack of loyalty. My sweet mama used to tell me it’s easy to be a good friend when everything is peachy, but the real friends, the loyal friends, will be there when things aren’t so peachy. As usual, she was right.

Confucius said, “The scholar does not consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but loyalty and good faith.” I’m not much of a scholar, but I do treasure loyalty.

 

 

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7 Comments on “Loyalty”

  1. billgncs says:

    I failed the test once, I just didn’t know what to say. After he died, we helped the family out several times financially anonymously, but I still regret my lack of action.

  2. Some of the most valuable traits are also the most quiet – loyalty, kindness, honesty, compassion, we need to get a sense of the person before realizing these qualities . While I’m not a great baseball fan (though can feel your disappointment in this change) I witnessed loyalty tested in my and other’s relationships frequently. The results can be surprising, but whoever does stay certainly makes life that much better.

    Catherine
    http://www.facingcancer.ca

  3. David Benbow says:

    Many years ago, my family went through a tragedy and I was also shocked at friends who suddenly became silent. I found that most of them simply didn’t know what to say, so instead said nothing and became so ashamed about it that they just faded into obscurity. Since then, I’ve made it a goal to at least say SOMETHING every time a friend has a hard time. It may not be the perfect thing, but it keeps the door open to someone in need.

    Is that loyalty? I think of it as compassion.

  4. topiclessbar says:

    It’ll be really interesting if Boston gets the White Sox in the playoffs. Yeah, Youklis was a great player and an important piece to those dominate teams from the last ten years. It’s weird to have him in a non-Boston uniform. I’m a die-hard Phillies fan and it’s going to be heartbreaking watching Cole Hamels pitch for another team next year. Oh well, I guess that’s part of being a loyal fan.

    Great post, Pink!

  5. hjelmstd says:

    I totally identify with your post. It’s hard for me to understand why teams expect loyalty from their fans, yet do not show loyalty to their players and to us. Does money always have to be the bottom line?

    We have also had tragedies and I have been diagnosed with CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome or ME) and breast cancer. I understand why friends disappear, but it is very hard. I try to remember those times I could not quite deal with someone else’s bad news and be forgiving. That works in theory, but not necessarily in real life! :)

  6. mmr says:

    Thanks for another great post. I’ve had the same surprises with old friends and new friends. I think David says it best– they don’t know what to say, and then they are ashamed. I once posted on fb a link to a great article about what to say (and not) to someone with cancer.http://www.caring.com/articles/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-breast-cancer?utm_medium=partner&utm_source=msn My husband often didn’t know what to say, or would say “the wrong thing”, so we came up with: “I’m sorry and it sucks”. Nuff said. Sometimes I get angry, and try to look at it from friends’ point of view– they want the “old me” back, and I can never exactly be the “old me”.

  7. I love that Confucius quote and your post on the value of loyalty. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was more hurt by those who shunned me than by those who said the wrong thing. True friends stick with each other through thick and thin. Thank you for this instructional lesson. xx


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