breathe and smile

I’m still reeling from the events that upended my day Friday. I know that time and distance are the only things that will make this wretched situation any better, and I’m trying to be patient.

I engaged in the age-old attempts to soothe my jangled soul yesterday: picked out a cheery bunch of sunflowers and filled my grocery cart with simple goodness to fix a yummy lunch to be shared with friends. A cold beer and a hummus wrap filled with roasted red peppers, jalapenos, tomatoes, banana peppers, guacamole and Greek olives with roasted asparagus on the side and raspberries to finish restored my body first and my soul second. Cheering my boy’s baseball team on to victory and witnessing him make a truly stellar, ESPN-worthy snag in center field on a balmy, breezy, warm-but-not hot day provided a good measure of joy, but my heart still hurts. Cap all that with a family outing to a swanky and super-fun bat mitzvah celebration and my really terrible week was turning around…finally.

I’ve put just enough distance between the huge hurt to know that it’s not going away. It’s easing, slightly, but the root is still stubbornly entrenched. I’ll admit I’m not one to forgive & forget quickly, and I can nurse a grudge longer than just about anyone, but this is different. This is big-time hurt, to the bottom reaches of my soul. It pains me to show any hint of vulnerability, but this thing is big enough to supersede my inclination to put on a brave face.

I’m listening to my heart and taking comfort from this idea:

“Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”

Not sure who said it, but I’m guessing they encountered a situation like the one I’m working through. I’m trying. Really trying. Meanwhile, I’ll do this:

 


7 Comments on “breathe and smile”

  1. Christy says:

    Or…Keep calm and carry on! 😉

  2. This year I’ve had a terrible hurt as well. Ten months of realizing someone close to me is not who I thought he was. Some pains run deeper than you think you can heal. A Guided Imagery audio called “Heartbreak, Betrayal & Abandonment” by Belleruth Naperstek recently lifted this pain from my heart. At some point, you might consider listening to it. Last week I wrote my blog about this.

    XOXOXO,
    Brenda

  3. Jan Hasak says:

    Huge hurts to the bottom of your soul. That sounds very familiar to me. Breathe and smile was my mantra getting through that era. May this pass with the next gentle breeze. XOXO, Jan

  4. David Benbow says:

    Life is too short to carry grudges. Strong relationships can survive a lot and still heal. Give it time.

  5. Amy Pace says:

    Okay, sorry you lost me after describing the wrap…. it sounded so good! I want one!🙂 Guess I ‘m hungry! Looking forward to the outing soon:) that will take your mind off things for sure!

  6. Glad that your hanging in there. And like the poem said “don’t let the bitterness spoil your sweetness.” Not that I see any sign of that happening for you.

  7. Kate says:

    If it helps, I’m going through the exact same thing — a dear friend of over 50 years standing suddenly turned on me. I “know that it’s not going away. It’s easing, slightly, but the root is still stubbornly entrenched. I’ll admit I’m not one to forgive & forget quickly, and I can nurse a grudge longer than just about anyone, but this is different. This is big-time hurt, to the bottom reaches of my soul.”

    I reckon we’ll get through this, & get it figured out. But it’s not easy, and the scar will undoubtedly last a long time. At least I know it will for me!


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