Whatever the trouble…

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level.” — Shakti Gawain

In my case, the trouble was a messed-up knee. It was all kinds of messed up. As The Hubs so astutely pointed out, it’s been messed up ever since he’s known me, which is some 20 years. Day after day of running, jumping, squatting, and lunging was taking a heavy toll, as was years of escalating stair-climbing, box-jumping, and jump-roping, all in an attempt to achieve and maintain a level of physical fitness that “they” say thwarts disease and ensures a long, happy life. Well, I blew the thwarting part, and despite my best efforts, disease found me, but I won’t let that discourage me from my pursuit of the kind of fitness that fires off a slew of endorphins and allows me to do things like easily hoist a 40-pound bag of dog food into my shopping cart.

My pursuit and its inherent impact and repeated pounding has caused me some big-time, ugly trouble in my knee. Seven years ago, I had enough of the pain and grinding and had it scoped. A thorough cleaning of the underside of the kneecap and a few tweaks to a ragged meniscus breathed new life into my beleaguered joint, and the running, jumping, squatting, and lunging, et al, resumed. However, one scope can’t hold me for life, especially when you add in a borderline obsessive tennis habit. Fast-forward to now and you get a knee that is one big mess.

I’m not one to slow down, take precautions, and tread lightly. I’m not a fan of admitting weakness and succumbing to pain, either. But sometimes our bodies and the universe have other ideas, and this busy-body was felled. A quick consult with my favorite orthopedic surgeon revealed that it was time to stop the madness and sort out this mess. An x-ray and MRI confirmed that there were some big problems that needed to be fixed: chondromalacia (denigration of the cartilage under the kneecap), lots of inflammation, and a bad case of patellar maltracking. Another scope as well as a lateral release were in order, preferably sooner rather than later.

Oh, goodie: more surgery.

I’d rather take a beating than go under the knife, again, but I’d ignored this hot mess as long as I could. Just the scope would have been no big deal, with a couple of weeks recovery, but the lateral release meant a much longer, more involved recovery. And, in typical me fashion, the situation was complicated even further by a surprise once the surgeon got inside my knee: a few tears to the meniscus, a couple of small tears to the ACL, and the biggest surprise of all: the complete lack of cartilage under the kneecap. That’s right folks, the cartilage was gone, baby gone. Hmmmm, no wonder my knee hurt.

Here’s what a normal kneecap looks like: lots of healthy white cartilage on top, all shiny and smooth like a cue ball or a full moon, with no bare spots or blank spaces.See that shiny, white segment of cartilage on top, just above the tool that’s been inserted into the knee? On me, there is none. Instead of that glossy white section of healthy stuff, there’s nothing. Oh, bother.

There is hope that the PRP can help regenerate some of the missing cartilage. But as the oh-so-wise Peggy Hill once said, “You can hope in one hand and poop in the other, and see which fills up first.” No, there is no guarantee my cartilage will regrow, and the more likely scenario is a knee replacement at some point in the not-so-distant future. Uh, huh: yet another surgery.

But not for a while. I’m going to tuck my head and soldier through this recovery. I’ll take solace from the fact that my doc and his PA were surprised by how well I’m walking, even thought I’m impatient to be healed. One week should be enough, right?? I’ll relish hearing my resident experts say that most people are still on crutches and pain pills at this point while I’m hobbling and grinning & bearing it. I’ll feel the swell of pride in knowing that my no-cartilage kneecap lives out loud in my doc’s and his PA’s minds: “Oh, yeah, you…the one with the gaping hole where smooth cartilage should be. Cool.” Physical therapy isn’t my favorite, and being sidelined from the things I want to do is even less so, but this is where I am right now. So be it. PT, limited mobility, pain, swelling, and stiffness will be my constant companions for a few more weeks. Then, like a little chick hatching from its shell, I expect my new, improved knee to make its way into the world, no longer still and helpless but bending and flexing and strengthening. As Marie’s challenge reminds me, I can appreciate that, on every level.