Happy Fat Tuesday!

Well, lately every day had been fat whatever-day around here in the Weight Gain 4000 pursuit of more belly fat for the docs to use to build my new boobs, so today being the official Fat Tuesday finds me in healthful not gorgeful mode. My effort in the last few months to gain a few lbs so the Drs S had plenty to work with was a huge (pun intended) success. I need to write a thank you letter to Shock Top beer, as the deliciously craveable wheat beer helped me reach my fat-ass goals. And now I’ve got a flatter tummy but fatter ass, for sure, but the beer is delicious enough to say who cares? If I drink enough of them, I don’t even care about my backside. And really, who’s going to be looking at the backside when there’s now actually something to look at on the front side? After 10 months of nothing but flatness from clavicle to belly button, there’s now something to actually look at on the front side. So there.

Anyhoo, back to Fat Tuesday. I don’t know much about it beyond it being a great day to overindulge in food & drink (a wonderful pasttime, I must say), and prepare for the much less fun but symbolic Lenten season. I did not know that “Mardi Gras” is French for “Fat Tuesday,” but if you think about foie gras it makes sense. Kind of. Or as much sense as anything French actually makes, but that’s just my opinion. Actually, thinking about foie gras makes this vegetarian girl kinda nauseated, so let’s move on. And you can thank me for not linking the PETA video of how the ducks get fat enough to make the foie gras. Eek. Let’s move on, shall we?

For our own Fat Tuesday, we have a king cake, complements of Christy (thanks, friend!). There’s something irresistible about the festive colored sugar on the frosting, and I can see why it’s a staple of Mardi Gras celebrations. We were lucky enough to have a homemade version in the Cremers’ kitchen a while back, and wow, was it good.

As if the king cake weren’t enough, we also have a very special treat this Fat Tuesday.

Locals readers, I know you recognize this box….

And you know that only good things come out of a Maureen’s Bakery box. Really good things.

If you live anywhere in the Sugar Land vicinity and have not been to Maureen’s, please for the love of all things sugar-loaded and frosting-drenched, get in your car and go now. Don’t even finish reading this post; you can get back to it once you have some deliciousness in your hands. Crumbs on the keyboard are a natural state, so get there and get yourself some Maureen’s.

The frosted sugar cookies at Maureen’s are one of my all-time favorite things ever in the world. Right up there with world peace and golden retriever puppies. Love them. Don’t indulge very often, though; maybe once every 3 years, because I do sincerely fear a diabetic coma. Maureen’s website doesn’t even mention the sugar cookies, nor does it feature a photo, because the place might seriously be mobbed and people could get hurt. So if you readers take my advice and drop everything to go there now for a cookie, please, use your manners. Don’t push & shove. Wait your turn and if the cookies are all gone by the time you get to the front of the line, then you have my permission to chase someone down in the parking lot and club them over the head and take their cookies. But let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

The other thing that Maureen’s makes that will make you think you’ve died and gone to heaven is petit fours. Oh mercy, are they good.  “Club someone over the head” good. Boss Lady Staci was kind enough to bring the coveted white box into my house yesterday, and I can’t stop thinking about the contents. There were 6, even though the photo only shows 4. Don’t do the math. Really, it’s best for everyone if you don’t.

If I ever had to choose between a Maureen’s sugar cookie and petit four, I would be in a serious quandry or, as my mom used to say, “a world of hurt.” I guess I’d do what I do when confronted with the choice of Maureen’s petit fours in chocolate or vanilla. Normally, I am not a chocolate cake kind of girl. Don’t know why, because I like chocolate in other forms, but not cake. However, after being schooled by Jill Cremer in the fine art of Maureen’s petit fours, I realize that not only do I like that chocolate cake, I don’t have to choose between chocolate and vanilla: I have both.

See, there’s this magical process called division. Non-math people like me tend to shy away from those kinds of processes, but I must admit, these processes can come in handy. Like when you want a little bit of chocolate and a little bit of vanilla. You take a knife and cut one of each of those delicious petit fours in half, and eat half of the chocolate and half of the vanilla. Or half of the vanilla and half of the chocolate. Either way. Just don’t be tempted to shove the entire half in your mouth at once. These are to be savored. Coming from a “hurry up, I wanted it yesterday” kind of girl, you know it’s true.

So Staci brings some of each kind of petit four (thanks, girl!) yesterday, and it was like a little ray of sunshine in a partly-cloudy day. One of the great things about having longtime friends is that they know what you really like, and they know just when you really need a dose of that something. I’ve been so fortunate to have an abundance of great friends by my side in this “cancer journey” and sometimes it’s an embarrassment of riches, but one I’m happy to have.

Now here’s the funny part: Trevor and Macy were talking about the oh-so-delicious petit fours this morning, and he said something about how he hopes there’s a vanilla one left when he gets home from work. I suggested, in my bossy yet worldly about all things petit-four related way, that he set one aside in a Tupperware right then & there and hide it somewhere good, to ensure that it will be available when he wants it. That’s what I would do if I were in his situation.

Macy jumped right in and waved her index finger around, saying, “You think that’s how petit fours work? I’ll tell you how it works: I get them all.”

See why I have to hide things?