Rejuvenated?? Notsomuch!

“It’s been a LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG day!”  Those are Nancy’s words but this is Amy typing once again.

Nancy had a crazy morning…..  Laura checked in; Dr. Spiegel’s resident, Dr McKnight checked in; Jennifer the PA checked in; then all three of the plastic surgery team (Dr. Spiegel, Jennifer and Dr. McKnight) popped in again. Trevor got here bearing gifts: peanut butter and toast–the only thing that has seemed appetizing and would you believe they don’t have that in the hospital cafeteria?  Christie came by, too.

But wait, before she had her IV discontinued and got that “Take a Shower. Take a Hike” show on the road, she still had one last infusion of the IV antibiotic, Vancomycin. That took 2 hours so Nancy was able to sit in the chair and enjoy the smoothie that Christie brought.  Mr. Morphine Pump and the rest of his crew are yet again dust in the wind. Nancy is free of anything that follows her on a pole.  She does have 6 drains and 2 doppler wires, plus her central line access port, so she’s still got a little gear.

It was nearly 11 before there was serious movement to the shower.  Well, all I have good to say about that shower is that Nancy is clean.  One word I could use to describe how Nancy tolerated the event was that she was speechless.  So, suffice it to say that the stomach pain reached out and grabbed hold of her with a lot of help from her shower assistant. It took a while but she was able to settle down from that episode (thank you, Ativan) and caught her breath. We then enticed her with a hummus sandwich from the cafeteria downstairs.  She wolfed that sandwich down and then had a bit of a siesta.  Thank Goodness!  By that time she had recovered enough to find her voice and exclaim, “That’s not happening again!  I’m clean enough!” Nancy had a little more to say about the shower, not so much the shower itself, but the way she felt manhandled by one of the helpers. Let’s just say it was rough going and it took a while for her to recover.

Nancy & I rested for some of the afternoon while Trevor took care of some work on his laptop.

Her infectious disease doctor also showed up and was happy to report that all her lab cultures have so far showed nothing…..but they will keep an eye on them for quite some time since it was such a slow growing bacterium.

So, Nancy has at this point taken 2 hikes and her one and ONLY shower and has had 2 sessions of chair time today.  She is moving well, although a bit stiff and hunched over.  The name Quasimodo does come to mind.   She is sitting in the chair waiting on her dinner that Trevor is going downstairs to fetch. After she eats she will settle in for the night.  She has commented that she can’t believe she’s napping so much, but GOOD NIGHT she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in 3 days! She’ll end her evening with a dispensing of Norco, Ativan, Ambien and Flexeril. Not all at the same time, mind you–a staggered dispensing, but I think she’ll be able to sleep better tonight with this drug regimen and also since her “flap checks” (that’s what the hospital crew calls them) are now every 2 hours.

More updates in the morning.

Oh, the doctors will assess discharge in the morning with Nancy’s input and go from there.  I think the thought is that she wants to see how she feels in the morning.

Portrait of a survivor

When you think of a breast cancer survivor, what comes to mind? A granny all decked out in pink? A joyful gal in a ball cap crossing the finish line at the Race for the Cure? How about a sad sack sitting in yet another hospital waiting for yet another test? You might think that surviving the diagnosis, the surgery, the treatment(s) and any subsequent complications means you’re done, right? Wrong. You’re wrong. It doesn’t end there, and there’s no prize for getting through it.

Welcome to the next phase of survivorship: the constant vigilance required to ensure the cancer isn’t making a repeat appearance. Although I’m just getting started, I’ll quit my bitching just long enough to say I am grateful that my doctors are vigilant, that I have good insurance, and that I can get the majority of my tests done 10 minutes from home. That said, it’s still a giant suck-fest.

Today’s test is a CT scan to check 2 little spots–1 on my liver & another on one of my lungs. These little gems were uncovered during a CT scan the last time I was hospitalized, in mid-August. No one seems too worried about them because they are so small, but once you’ve had cancer, you learn the hard way that there is no sure thing. There is no guarantee. A spot is a spot, no matter how small, and a spot is never a good thing once you’ve had The Big “C.”

Hence today’s CT scan. I’ve never had an abdominal scan before, so I didn’t know that in addition to the fasting and IV contrast (where they inject dye into my veins), I also get to drink the dye. So instead of my daily cup of coffee (which, by the way is the #1 reason I get out of bed each morning), I had to gulp down two big cups of Sprite mixed with contrast dye. No ice. No vodka. That’s just mean. I don’t like Sprite on a good day, and by good day I mean one in which the Sprite is mixed with vodka. Lots and lots of vodka. The only good thing about drinking these 2 vile cups is that I could have burped loud enough to seriously impress a room full of middle-school boys. Too bad the waiting room was full of old people, who either wouldn’t hear it or would think it was rude to launch into a Buddy-the-Elf style burp.

After the Sprite-fest was the IV contrast. Ugh. I really don’t like needles, but have had enough of them in the last 6 months, whether IVs or blood draws or shots or port flushes, to kinda get used to them, but I still don’t like them. My veins on the left side have been used so much that they rebel. They act nice at first, so right after the big stick, to pierce the skin and enter the vein, it seems as if it’s going to work, but just as the nurse is threading the needle higher into the vein, that vein says, nope, no farther. The nurse typically digs around a while before giving up and moving to the other arm.

Cue the complication: because my infection was on the right side, and because I’m working hard to avoid lymphedema (swelling from surgery or trauma that can be permanent and that is seriously contraindicated with tennis), I’m supposed to avoid getting my blood pressure taken or blood drawn from my right side. But that’s my good side! That vein hasn’t been used & abused so much that it pouts and throws a tantrum like a toddler who’s way past nap time.


Luckily, the nurse was very nice. She listened to my long, drawn-out story about my bad luck on the right side and bad veins on the left, and rolled up her sleeves to try and make it work. Work, it did, with just a little big of digging on her part. After the IV it was time to lay down on the CT machine. No big whoop. No trick there, just suck it up because it’s hard plastic instead of Tempurpedic. And then the fun part: injecting the contrast. If you’ve never experienced this, let me be the first to tell you that if you have to go through this, remember: as the dye enters your vein and travels throughout your body, you will feel a warm, wet sensation. Don’t panic and think you’ve wet your pants. Don’t worry too much about it because before you know it, the “did I wet my pants?” sensation is replaced by a crushing headache and the feeling of wanting to simultaneously vomit and pass out. It’s also ok to want to cry for yo mama. The good thing (!) about all this is, it doesn’t last very long. So before you know it, the “wet pants, gonna puke, but wait I might pass out” feeling is over, the scan is done, the nurse yanks the needle out from your vein, and you are free to go. Come back in three months, though, to do it all over again.

So the survivor vigilance is a lot of work. It’s hard enough to live with a monkey on one’s back, wondering if/when the cancer is going to recur. It’s hard enough to wonder, am I doing enough? Asking the right questions? Worrying about the right issues? Researching the right stuff? It’s hard enough to put complete trust, and thereby one’s life, in the doctors’ hands. They are human, ya know. As schooled and trained and rich in experience and purpose as they are, they’re still human. So as much as I do trust them, there’s always that little voice in the back of my head wondering, what if they’re wrong? What if they made a mistake?

Nobody said it would be easy, but I really didn’t think it would be this hard. That’s why I have this cute little pillow on my bed, to remind me that yes it’s hard, but dadgummit, I am indeed a survivor. Period.