It’s not just an excuse to go postal or blow off some steam, it really is making me crazy. The prolific presence of Pinktober is making me nuts. I’m seeing red (of which pink is a derivative, I suppose). The other day, a woman in the grocery store was sporting one of the worst pink offenders, IMHO, the “Save the Tatas” shirt. I saw her and her offending shirt in the produce aisle and felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I was barely in the store and was already being thrust into the belly of the beast. Just walking in the store, I was accosted by a huge display of “awareness” crap — flower arrangements, helium-filled balloons, potholders, even pink-ribbon bedecked cakes, for cryin’ out loud. Sheesh.
Do those of us who have tangled with this damn disease really need to run the gauntlet of reminders of said disease just to get into the grocery store? Sheesh.
Maybe the display of pink junk that greeted me at the store set me up so that when I saw the “Save the Tatas” shirt, I was primed and ready for a tussle. I tried to be respectful. I did. I entered into the conversation with every intention of getting her point of view. I’m curious, genuinely curious, as to why a grown woman would sport such a message across her chest. So I pointed to her shirt as our paths crossed by the giant pile of pumpkins (which thankfully had not been painted pink). I asked her if she’d had breast cancer. Just curious. She said no, she has not had breast cancer. Oh, so you know someone who has? I asked. No, but she bought the shirt to support breast cancer awareness.
Ah, yes, “awareness.” More “awareness.” The “awareness” we all so desperately need.
The interrogation continued as I asked her if she was aware of how buying the shirt helps, and what, in her opinion, does “awareness” even mean? She didn’t really have an answer for that. Huh.
I pressed on, like a dog with a bone, and asked if she was aware of which charity received proceeds from the purchase of that shirt. Again, no answer. At this point, she was probably wondering how to contact security in the grocery store. I concluded our little chat by telling her that I have had breast cancer, and I do know many other women who have as well, and that those of us in the pink ribbon club don’t care for those shirts because some of us were put in the unpopular position, through no fault of our own, of not being able to “Save our Tatas,” and that seeing such messages serve as a stark and unwelcome reminder of that most unpleasant fact.
She said she’d never thought about that. She was not aware of that.
I bet she’s also not aware of the fact that once you lose your tatas, each and every glance downward or glimpse in a mirror is a smack in the face. That even after reconstruction — or multiple reconstructions — those tatas will never be the same. Some women end up with a version they like better. Some end up with a version that makes them sad each and every time they see that new, not-so-improved version.
She and I parted ways, me feeling marginally better for having unburdened myself, her probably feeling like she needed to go home and lie down. Hopefully she went home and threw that damned shirt in the garbage, where it belongs.
Then I hear that our local professional soccer team, the Houston Dynamo, is hosting an “awareness” event of their own tomorrow. The first 5,000 fans at the Breast Cancer Awareness Match will score a mini pink soccer ball. Sweet.
Not so sweet.
Tell me, please, anyone, what the scantily-clad cheerleader in the pink attire has to do with breast cancer? Or is that what it takes to get people to attend the event? Questions, people–I have questions!
I had to dig pretty hard to find any info on the actual event. While these images are splashed all over the web, details on what the event really is all about remain elusive. The Dynamo website shows a much less exciting image:
But when I clicked on the link to bobby boots breast cancer/Dynamo Charities, I got nowhere. The computer told me that the page I sought could not be found. Bummer. My next question: is the bobby boots breast cancer image above, with the philanthropic player (who I assume is Bobby) and the soccer-cleat-wearing pink ribbon, that much less effective than the perky cheerleader in her push-up bra? Do people really care less about this dreaded disease if it’s marketed without actual images of breasts?
Great, here we go again.
This time, I didn’t accost the person sporting the offending message because the light turned green. But I wanted to. I wanted to say, Can you imagine in your wildest dreams putting sticker on your car that says “balls! support testicular cancer research!” Or “ovaries! egg-makers or silent killers?” No, me neither. As the shirt says, It’s all about the boobies.
It certainly isn’t “all about the boobies” — it’s about a woman’s life, and how BC threatens and too often takes her life. I’m still waiting for an explanation of how any of this boobie culture makes any difference in the “fight” against breast cancer. If you see a guy wearing a shirt like this, does it enact any change whatsoever in the BC arena?
I wonder how he would feel if I wore a shirt saying “PROSTATES make me happy”? I can’t even find an image of such a shirt because guess what — it doesn’t exist! No, instead the prostate cancer “awareness” shirts look like this:
“I Wear Blue for My Dad” conveys a slightly different message than “Save Second Base.” It says the focus is on the person, not the body part. The take-away message here is that sexualizing a devastating disease does nothing for those who suffer from it.
Well, wait a sec — I take that back. Sexualizing a devastating disease does do something for those who suffer from it. It makes them feel bad. Really bad. It makes them mad. Really mad. It makes them want to accost random people in the grocery store or at the bank and set them straight. It makes them have to confront the fact that at this very moment, they may be crossing that bridge from “survivor” with NED to stage IV without a cure. I will never, ever forget the feeling of utter fear when the first oncologist I consulted said once a cancer comes back, no matter what stage it was upon original diagnosis, the recurrence sends you straight to stage IV and you’re considered incurable. Not that you’re going to die from it, as many stage IV cancers can be managed, but treatment is ongoing, as in, for the rest of your life (however long that will be).
That, my friends, is the reality of breast cancer. Not a cutesy slogan. Not a titillating (pun intended) t-shirt. Not an overtly sexual bumper sticker. It’s not about the boobies. It’s about my life.
Of course it got my attention, amidst the heaps of junk mail, because it’s pink and because when I see a pink ribbon, my brain immediately goes into fight or flight mode as visions of Komen’s money-grubbing dance in my head.
Ok, that’s a bit harsh; Komen isn’t just about money-grubbing. But Pinktober does that to me. I jump to conclusions and get all snarky.
I sat down to read this pink piece of mail, expecting to roll my eyes at yet another meaningless and offensive bit of “awareness” propaganda. Plus, the headline imploring me to put myself first made me think I had free reign to be totally selfish and say, go get a mani-pedi instead of cooking dinner for my people. I had to read more!
Sucked in by the pink haze and the make-me-be-naughty headline, I read on. Page 2 asked a pressing question:
Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I did know that. I also know that mammograms aren’t all that effective at detecting a lump in one’s breast, as I’d been having a mammo every year and at various levels for 5 years before my lump was detected, and even then, it wasn’t detected by a mammo at all but rather by my uber-vigilant OB-GYN, who I credit with saving my life, or at least saving me from a much more protracted and undoubtedly less pleasant cancer “journey.”
Oh, boy, there goes the snark again.
I love the images used in this: the radiantly healthy, young, smiling patient with her gown perfectly draped around her non-cancer-infested body. The state-of-the art screening equipment. The competent and in-control technician. And last but not least, the perfectly round, plump, healthy breast on the screen.
Now I’ve moved straight from snarky to sad, and I’m only on page 2.
Page 3 gets a little more serious, but I’m still sad. That image of the round, healthy breast stays with me. I like that page 3 imparts a serious note, taking care to provide a few snippets of facts & figures to prod one but not scare the bejeezus out of one. The sympathetic tone of, “We know you haven’t scheduled your mammo and we understand, you’re busy taking care of everyone under the sun” is really effective. It’s also very reassuring the way the text suggests “Hey, if the worst does happen and the mammo we suggested you schedule shows that you do in fact have breast cancer, it’s ok; you’re good. We caught it early so you’ll survive.” (You’ll survive, but your life, your wallet, your mind, and most of all, your body will never be the same.)
It goes on to list the signs & symptoms of breast cancer, just in case you aren’t sure. And another suggestion to schedule that mammo today. I love the line about how it won’t cost anything but time. I guess they decided against full disclosure, and nixed mentioning that the smooshing of those nice round breasts is uncomfortable, and that the hospital smell and presence of nightmare-inducing germs everywhere may make you want to run screaming from the building, it might freak out the intended audience and one might decide to chuck the pretty pink pamphlet onto the recycle pile without a backward glance.
I did a double-take at the statistic at the bottom of the page: Did I know that BC claims last year totaled $4.3 million? No, I didn’t know that. That’s a lot of cake.
At first blush, I thought: what kind of nutter is running the accounting office, if they don’t know that I’m one of those claimants? How can they overlook the fact that I’m likely responsible for a quarter of their 2011 claims costs? I’d think that my name is at the top of the list, perhaps with a yellow highlight or maybe an alarm bell that rings, or who knows, a nuclear-reactor type meltdown when my name and ID number are associated with yet another costly claim for United Health Care and Baker Hughes. It’s been a while since I’ve kept an eye on the amount of my claims, but it’s safe to say that it’s up there. Not crazy expensive, like the dresses Ann Romney continues to wear for public appearances, seemingly clueless to the fact that this thing called the Internet exists and it’s easy to check on which designer created her frock and how much it cost, all while she and Mitten claim to be regular folks who don’t consider themselves filthy rich.
Oh good grief, the snark is back. Let me go back and look at that sweet image of the round, healthy, never-to-be-seen-again-on-my-body breast.
Ok, all better.
Thankfully, before I could call the health care PR folks and cuss them out for sending me–me, of all people–a mailing asking if I knew how much my claims had cost them, the Hubs saved me from embarrassing myself and owing a hard-working corporate soul an apology. Just as I was getting really worked up about how in blue blazes could they NOT KNOW that I’ve made hundreds of thousands of dollars in claims because of breast cancer, the Hubs reminded me that we didn’t have United Health Care during the shitstorm of mastectomy, infection, hospitalization, endless labwork, multiple stabs at diagnosing that damned infection, surgery, surgery, surgery, hospitalization, not one but two infectious-disease teams, at-home IV antibiotics, debridement, debridement, home health care, more debridement, more at-home antibiotics, wound vac, the Big Dig aka DIEP reconstruction, ICU hospitalization, more antibiotics, 2 revisions to said reconstruction, and at least 100 visits to the plastic surgeon, yadda yadda yadda.
United Health Care got me once the bulk of my spending frenzy was done. No wonder they send me such nice, pretty mail. Whew, I am SO glad I didn’t get on the horn and issue a blistering diatribe to the first person to answer the 800 number. That would have been soooo embarrassing.
I guess I should be moved by the fact that United Health Care is looking out for the many women who are eligible for a smash-&-snap but who didn’t schedule one last year. And I am. Yes, I know that it’s in UHC’s best interest to have their insured women get their mammos, because screening is cheaper than mastectomies and chemo and radiation. I do like the gentle statistics employed in this publication–nothing too in-my-face, not all gloom & doom, no hint of “do this now or burn in BC hell.” I appreciate the assumption that I’m a grown woman who can decide for myself; personally I’m not one who needs to be told twice when it comes to doing something necessary but unpleasant, but I can forgive the repeated pleas to schedule that mamno now, because not everyone shares my “get ‘er done” mentality, and most women have less flexibility in their schedules than I.
This piece of mail struck the right balance of “you need to do this even thought it might uncover your biggest fear and thrust you headlong into a medical nightmare” and “that said, we’re here and are gonna take care of you.” I give high marks to the copywriters who straddled the idea of scaring us enough to schedule that mammo but not keeping us awake at night wondering what it will be like.
Before I was diagnosed, I didn’t give much thought to breast cancer. Sure, I saw the pink ribbons everywhere and thought the women whose bald heads were under cover of a pink bandana are mighty brave (I still do think that, BTW). Even when I got picked for the melanoma lottery, and even when my sweet mama died a not-so-pleasant death from a reproductive cancer at the still-too-young age of 67, I didn’t think much about breast cancer. I still didn’t think much about it when my awesome OB-GYN learned of my sweet mama’s death and said let’s go ahead and get you started with a baseline mammogram, even though you’re nearly 5 years away from the recommended screening age. Every year my mammo came back funny (not funny ha-ha but funny peculiar, because there’s not a damn thing funny about a funny mammo). I still didn’t think about breast cancer. The radiologists chalked it up to dense breast tissue and said, let’s see what’s going on next year. Then the next year, the images still looked funny, and maybe even a bit more unusual, so I saw a breast specialist and endured a series of biopsies. And still, I didn’t think about breast cancer. That breast specialist said the biopsies didn’t show anything overtly cancerous, and I was young for the cancer beast to come calling, so let’s just keep an eye on it and continue the annual screenings. Even then, I didn’t think much about breast cancer.
Fast forward to the present day, as I sit with a well-done mailing imploring me to schedule a mammogram.
Now I feel the need to call United Health Care, not to cuss anyone out, but to tell them thanks for the pretty pink mailing, but to kindly remove me from the distribution list for future mailings. See, I won’t be scheduling a mammogram this year, or any year in the future. Instead, I go see the unflappably darling Dr Dempsey twice a year for a chest and lymph node ultrasound. It’s not a breast ultrasound, because my breasts contain no breast tissue. Nope, they are made of 100 percent belly tissue, and breast tissue and belly tissue look totally different in a mammo. As far as I know, there’s not a smash-and-snap procedure for the belly. In addition to my twice-yearly screening by my favorite breast surgeon, I get to see my cutie-pie oncologist three times a year. Blood work checks my tumor markers and hormone levels, and I submit to a thorough exam and lecture about my champagne habit.
And for that, I’m grateful.